Shortened Question:
How do I control my anger when my father threatens me?
Question:
AOA My dad really gets on my nerves and I hold my anger and respect him, but when he goes overboard saying threats, how do I control my anger? Thank you.
Answer:
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
It is a father’s responsibility to nurture his children. In doing so it is normal for children to get angry and upset due to their young age and mental immaturity.
However, Shariah place great emphasis on the obedience to parents.
Allah Ta’ala says:
قُلْ تَعَالَوْا أَتْلُ مَا حَرَّمَ رَبُّكُمْ عَلَيْكُمْ أَلَّا تُشْرِكُوا بِهِ شَيْئًا وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا
{Translation: Say, “Draw closer, I shall recite to you the things that your Rabb has forbidden for you. That you do not ascribe any partner to Him and that you be kind towards your parents.”}(Surah An’aam (6): 151)
Allah Ta’ala also says:
Your Rabb has commanded that you worship only Him and that you treat your parents kindly.[1]
In yet another hadith from Sahih Bukari Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi wa Sallam said “Allah Ta’ala loves that you honour your parents.”[2]
It is narrated that when the father of Jabir Radiallahu Anhu passed away he left seven or nine daughters. To care for his sisters on his father’s behalf Jabir married a mature woman. This is a sign of his obedience to his father that he was willing to forego his own happiness. Upon this Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi wa Sallam made dua for him.[3]
Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi wa Sallam says that Allah has prohibited the disobedience to fathers.
14 – (593) حَدَّثَنَا ابْنُ أَبِي عُمَرَ، حَدَّثَنَا مَرْوَانُ بْنُ مُعَاوِيَةَ الْفَزَارِيُّ، عَنْ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ سُوقَةَ، أَخْبَرَنَا مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ عُبَيْدِ اللهِ الثَّقَفِيُّ، عَنْ وَرَّادٍ، قَالَ: كَتَبَ الْمُغِيرَةُ إِلَى مُعَاوِيَةَ: سَلَامٌ عَلَيْكَ، أَمَّا بَعْدُ، فَإِنِّي سَمِعْتُ رَسُولَ اللهِ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ، يَقُولُ: ” إِنَّ اللهَ حَرَّمَ ثَلَاثًا، وَنَهَى عَنْ ثَلَاثٍ، حَرَّمَ عُقُوقَ الْوَالِدِ، وَوَأْدَ الْبَنَاتِ، وَلَا وَهَاتِ، وَنَهَى عَنْ ثَلَاثٍ: قِيلَ وَقَالَ، وَكَثْرَةِ السُّؤَالِ، وَإِضَاعَةِ الْمَالِ
Translation: {Warrad reported that al-Mughira wrote to Mu’awiya: Peace be upon you, and then coming to the point (I should say) that I heard Allah’s Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: Verily Allah has Prohibited three things and has forbidden three things. He has declared absolutely haram the disobedience of father, burying of daughters alive, and withholding that which you have power to return, and has forbidden three things: irrelevant talk, persistent questioning, and wasting of wealth.}(Sahih Muslim Hadith #4260)
Abdullah Ibn Amr narrated that Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi wa Sallam said that
“The pleasure of Allah lies in the pleasure of the father and the displeasure of Allah lies in the displeasure of the father.”[4]
If you do not understand your father, contain yourself and approach him with dignity and honour and express yourself with humbleness. A good and healthy dialogue will assist you in understanding issues that you did not previously understand and lead you to get angry.
We have highlighted for you a few instances where honouring parents is mentioned, so that you may reflect.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Mufti Saeed Ahmed Golaub
Islamic Solutions
Jamaica
[1]{وَقَضَى رَبُّكَ أَلَّا تَعْبُدُوا إِلَّا إِيَّاهُ وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا إِمَّا يَبْلُغَنَّ عِنْدَكَ الْكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَا أَوْ كِلَاهُمَا فَلَا تَقُلْ لَهُمَا أُفٍّ وَلَا تَنْهَرْهُمَا وَقُلْ لَهُمَا قَوْلًا كَرِيمًا} [الإسراء: 23]
[2]:527 – حَدَّثَنَا أَبُو الوَلِيدِ هِشَامُ بْنُ عَبْدِ المَلِكِ، قَالَ: حَدَّثَنَا شُعْبَةُ، قَالَ الوَلِيدُ بْنُ العَيْزَارِ: أَخْبَرَنِي قَالَ: سَمِعْتُ أَبَا عَمْرٍو الشَّيْبَانِيَّ، يَقُولُ: حَدَّثَنَا صَاحِبُ – هَذِهِ الدَّارِ وَأَشَارَ إِلَى دَارِ – عَبْدِ اللَّهِ، قَالَ: سَأَلْتُ النَّبِيَّ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ: أَيُّ العَمَلِ أَحَبُّ إِلَى اللَّهِ؟ قَالَ: «الصَّلاَةُ عَلَى وَقْتِهَا» ، قَالَ: ثُمَّ أَيٌّ؟ قَالَ: «ثُمَّ بِرُّ الوَالِدَيْنِ» قَالَ: ثُمَّ أَيٌّ؟ قَالَ: «الجِهَادُ فِي سَبِيلِ اللَّهِ» قَالَ: حَدَّثَنِي بِهِنَّ، وَلَوِ اسْتَزَدْتُهُ لَزَادَنِي صحيح البخاري (1 / 112)
[3]:6387 – حَدَّثَنَا أَبُو النُّعْمَانِ، حَدَّثَنَا حَمَّادُ بْنُ زَيْدٍ، عَنْ عَمْرٍو، عَنْ جَابِرٍ رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ، قَالَ: هَلَكَ أَبِي وَتَرَكَ سَبْعَ أَوْ تِسْعَ بَنَاتٍ، فَتَزَوَّجْتُ امْرَأَةً، فَقَالَ النَّبِيُّ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ: «تَزَوَّجْتَ يَا جَابِرُ» قُلْتُ: نَعَمْ، قَالَ: «بِكْرًا أَمْ ثَيِّبًا» قُلْتُ: ثَيِّبًا، قَالَ: «هَلَّا جَارِيَةً تُلاَعِبُهَا وَتُلاَعِبُكَ، أَوْ تُضَاحِكُهَا وَتُضَاحِكُكَ» قُلْتُ: هَلَكَ أَبِي فَتَرَكَ سَبْعَ أَوْ تِسْعَ بَنَاتٍ، فَكَرِهْتُ أَنْ أَجِيئَهُنَّ بِمِثْلِهِنَّ، فَتَزَوَّجْتُ امْرَأَةً تَقُومُ عَلَيْهِنَّ، قَالَ: «فَبَارَكَ اللَّهُ عَلَيْكَ» لَمْ يَقُلْ ابْنُ عُيَيْنَةَ، وَمُحَمَّدُ بْنُ مُسْلِمٍ، عَنْ عَمْرٍو: «بَارَكَ اللَّهُ عَلَيْكَ» صحيح البخاري (8 / 82)
[4]:1899 – حَدَّثَنَا أَبُو حَفْصٍ عَمْرُو بْنُ عَلِيٍّ قَالَ: حَدَّثَنَا خَالِدُ بْنُ الحَارِثِ قَالَ: حَدَّثَنَا شُعْبَةُ، عَنْ يَعْلَى بْنِ عَطَاءٍ، عَنْ أَبِيهِ، عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ عَمْرٍو، عَنِ النَّبِيِّ [ص:311] صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ قَالَ: «رِضَى الرَّبِّ فِي رِضَى الوَالِدِ، وَسَخَطُ الرَّبِّ فِي سَخَطِ الْوَالِدِ» سنن الترمذي ت شاكر (4 / 310)
