Shortened Question:
I would like to know if the person that I got engaged to 4 months is a suitable partner for me.
Question:
Assalamu alaikum wa Rahmatullah wa Barakathu,
I got engaged almost 4 months ago. Somehow we are not coming to understanding terms. We only speak on the phone and that too is not much! I would like you to tell me if we are a good match for each other from an Islamic point of view? Also a way of knowing exactly what is in his mind. His behavior is confusing me to the core and I am getting worried with each passing day as our Nikah day is also fixed. Please help.
Answer:
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
The commitment to marry is a major commitment. It is expected of a person to exercise extreme precaution. Before making such a commitment it is important to investigate this boy. Consult with appropriate people and also make Istikhara.
A commitment to marry should only be made when one is absolutely sure leaving no avenue of doubts open.
In your case if you did all of the above, then place your trust in Allah and proceed. If you still have any doubts discuss the matter with your parents or elders and seek their wise council.
In principle it is prohibited for you to communicate with your future husband. In any event no amount of discussion before marriage would satisfy one that the future spouse is 100% suitable. Genuine suitability is determined in living a real married life.
The procedure for Istikharah is to make two Rakahs of Salah, then glorify Allah and make dua.
Make this dua as follows:
“O Allah, You have power and I have none, and You know and I do not know, and You are the knower of the unseen. If in Your knowledge (mention the name of the man that is referred to in the question) be good for me with regards to my Diin (religion), my worldly affairs as well as those that relate to my hereafter, then destine him for me; and if someone else is better for me than him with regards to my Diin, my worldly affairs as well as those that relate to my hereafter, then destine him (this other person) for me.”
]اللهُمَّ إِنَّكَ تَقْدِرُ وَلَا أَقْدِرُ، وَتَعْلَمُ وَلَا أَعْلَمُ أَنْتَ عَلَّامُ الْغُيُوبِ، فَإِنْ رَأَيْتَ لِي فِي فُلَانَةَ، تُسَمِّيهَ بِاسْمِهَ، خَيْرًا فِي دِينِي وَدُنْيَايَ وَآخِرَتِي، وَإِنْ كَانَ غَيْرُهَ خَيْرًا لِي مِنْهَ فِي دِينِي وَدُنْيَايَ وَآخِرَتِي، فَاقْضِ لِي بِهَ ” أَوْ قَالَ: ” فَاقْدِرْهَ لِي ” مسند أحمد ط الرسالة (38 / 566-567)[
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Mufti Saeed Ahmed Golaub
Islamic Solutions
Jamaica
