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Shortened Question: My Mother’s Wishes
Question: Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh
I do not know who to ask this with so here I am. I am the only daughter in my family. My mother has a big dispute with her siblings that is beyond irreconcilable. They tried many years but always end up fighting. My mother’s wishes to me was when she passes on, she does not wish her death to be told by anyone outside of her family. Am I allowed to do this and if it’s okay to follow her wishes?
What I meant by outside her family
Are her alive siblings, her mother, as well as my father’s side of the family
All my mother’s siblings are not in contact with her except for only one. Her youngest brother
She wishes That when she passed, me and my uncle shall not tell anybody except just her husband, and me.
Are we allowed to follow her wishes? Because my uncle feels bad for not telling their other siblings if she does passed
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
Sister in Islam we acknowledge your desire in upholding the Laws of Shari’at. We make du’a that Allah Tabaraka wa Ta’ala makes things easy for you. Ameen.
Enjoining family ties is a very important aspect of Deenul Islam. Shari’at emphasizes doing things that strengthen family ties. In order to maintain family unity extra effort should be made on family members who sever ties.
Family ties is among those virtues that will assist when one is crossing over the Pul Sirat (the bridge that stretches over Jahannam and leads into Jannat.) Therefore, destroying family ties may result in difficulties when one reaches this bridge after death.
Also note the importance of family ties, that Rasulullah Sallallahu Alayhi wa Sallam is reported to have mentioned in a Hadith that:
One who gives his Zakat to needy relatives will receive two rewards. One rewards will be for the giving of the Zakat itself and the other reward will be for enjoining family ties.
How do you think that your mother would react if she was to discover that one of her own siblings had died and was buried without her knowledge?
None of us knows when our time of death will be. Both you and your uncle should think about the consequences that you would have to face should your mother passes away and you complied with her wishes not to inform any of her other siblings. It is unlikely that they would be pleased with any of you. Your mother would be gone, but the both of you would be left to face the consequences.
Sister in Islam, we implore you to advise your mother in a very nice and subtle way to establish taluk (relationship) with her siblings, inspite of the difficulties that it involves. Keep the relationship at a tolerable level where neither party will get too involved in the affairs of the other.
We make du’a that Allah Ta’ala will accept her effort and rebuild the family ties. Ameen.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best,
Mufti Saeed Ahmed Golaub.